


lifting up my heart to the one who holds the stars

by J_Ace_Flicker



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Darcy Lewis, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner deserves better 2k19, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Determination, F/F, Hey watch as I let Natasha actually have a personality and allow her to contribute to the plot, Lesbians, PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Thor - Freeform, Thor is a lesbian icon and in this story I WILL PROVE IT, Thor is cool, Thor is smart, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Women Are Awesome, cough cough MCU cough cough, unlike some people :), watch as I blatantly ignore the current MCU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2020-04-08 13:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19107715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Ace_Flicker/pseuds/J_Ace_Flicker
Summary: Living among supers is difficult, but Darcy is determined to stay friends with these powerful people, so she makes a small grab at power herself.Natasha Romanov is still haunted by her past, but she moves forward, little by little, each day. She feels a little less haunted around the woman who smiles so brightly, who never stops moving, who Natasha had always hidden a fondness for.Life isn't perfect. It's hard. It's gritty. They win only to lose only to hurt more and then they get back up, because that's what you have to do. No one said you had to do it alone.No one said they couldn't find a little love along the way.(Chapter and work title(s) are lyrics taken from Skillet's "Stars")





	1. Your Love Has Called My Name

**Author's Note:**

> SO this is gonna be cheesy as all hell. This is a ship I'll go down with. I don't have a Beta Reader, so please forgive any grammar errors. Especially because it's 90+ degrees out and I don't have an AC, so my brain's a little fried.

Coffee. That was the first thing on her mind when she woke up. Well, not quite. She was thinking of the Red Room. Of dancing and bleeding. Of killing and strategizing and saving and ruining.

But coffee. Coffee was good at— she checked her phone before putting it back in her pocket— three o'clock in the morning. At least it wasn't the Vodka she wanted to desperately chug. Not that it could do much to her, anyway.

 _Monster._ People shouted. _Monster._ She crushed a man's throat beneath her fingers. _Monster._

"Hello Darcy." She idly collected what she needed from the cabinets. She ignored the bags hanging under her eyes. She looked good in purple so it didn't really matter. Most people in the Tower were insomniacs, adding herself to the mix would hardly come as a surprise.

The brunette pouted, crossing her arms over her Doctor Who pajamas. "C'mon, Natasha! Couldn't you at least pretend to be startled for me?"

Natasha resolutely ignored her playful mannerisms and focused on drinking her coffee: it was black and made her body feel alive, even as her mind remained groggy. She smirked at Darcy's disgusted face. "You're in a tower full of mentally unstable, traumatized, battle-ready supers. Startling any of them isn't your brightest idea."

"I never claimed to be bright."

Darcy was usually a force of nature, always moving. It tended to bother Natasha because it often made Darcy hard to track. Darcy was barely moving. She wasn't getting anything from the kitchen. Why was she here? Natasha didn't like not knowing things.

"What do you want?" Natasha used the same voice she used to scare Stark into doing things— mostly into taking care of himself, but still. Going by Darcy's now rigid posture, she guessed it worked on her, too.

"You're a monster!"

Natasha slowly set her coffee down. "What?” Her voice was but a wisp.

_Monster. The red would never be wiped from her ledger._

"Uh. Shit. Not what I meant to say." She blushed in embarrassment, but her voice did not waver and her brown eyes met Natasha's own blue with a fierce determination, "You're strong. And amazing. And you're not a genius or an alien or severely genetically altered, not in a way that really counts."

Natasha's mouth felt dry. Was it hot in here? It was probably just her coffee; she took another sip. "Technically, I _am_ an alien. I'm from Russia." Natasha did not know how to deal with this, her poor attempt at humor clearly conveyed this fact. She was not awake enough for this. She took another swig of caffeine and regretted not getting alcohol. Why was she sober?

Darcy leaned into her personal space. Natasha's face did not change expression, but she felt very uncomfortable all of a sudden. Darcy was going to ask something big of her. "You're a monster like the rest of them, even without magical monster enhancements. Teach me. Please."

"Why." Not a question. A demand. If she asked for everything she needed, she would be long dead.

"The world is filling up with Supers. Villains and heroes and civilians alike. I'm not special. I'm just Darcy, and I'm okay with that, but Just Darcy needs some upgrades if she wants to stay friends with the people she likes. I'm not a genius and I'm not strong. I need to learn how to win without those things, how to survive with what I've got. You can teach me those things." Darcy made an aborted movement for Natasha's hand. "Please."

Reluctantly, Natasha ghosted her fingers over Darcy shoulder in a facsimile of comfort. "Okay." She liked the fire in this woman, she'd keep it burning bright.

"Okay?"

"But we do it _my_ way." There was a tilt to her lips and a sharpness to her eyes that made Darcy nervous, but Darcy agreed, what other choice did she really have? Besides, Natasha wasn't cruel when she didn't have to be.

"Six o'clock sharp. Don't be late." Natasha sauntered out of the room, mug firmly in hand.

 _Maybe,_ Natasha thought. _M_ _aybe it isn't so bad to be a monster, if that means that Natasha can help people like her, like Darcy._

 _"Monster."_ Natasha accused the mirror. And for the first time, the sound didn't taste like poison.

  
  



	2. You Spoke a Word and Life Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Just In: Is Natasha checking Darcy out, or just doing an assessment? Tune in next episode of /we're hella gay for each other but don't know it yet/.

Darcy stood still, body rigid as Natasha prowled around her in lazy circles.

“Muay Thai. Savate. Aikido.” The words were practically meaningless to Darcy, but she was rapt on Natasha’s every word. “I don’t believe in learning only one discipline— makes you an easy target, your movements become predictable. Your upper body strength will never match that of a man, let alone a super, so we’ll focus on the aspects of  _ you _ that can, potentially, take one on.

“Utilizing the hardest, strongest parts of your body, such as your elbows and the bottom of your palm. Turning your opponent’s force against them. Deflecting, not blocking— it takes less energy and there runs less of a risk when it comes to obtaining damage.” Darcy couldn’t help but notice the dull shine of the tower lights against Natasha’s hair: buzzed in the back and long in the front, colored an unassuming shade of brown. Natasha’s bangs stopped swaying the moment she came to a stop in front of Darcy, her body frozen unnaturally. Darcy has never met someone who can seem completely paralyzed and still make the people around her stop in their tracks. Natasha’s eyes are shadowed, head tilted. Her lips wrap slowly around her next words. Cautious.

“We’ll never be as strong as them, but we can be agile and flexible. Quick and clever.”

Darcy cracked a grin, “Well, I need to work on the former, but I’ve got the latter covered.”

Her tone was reprimanding, but there was a smirk curled up at the corner of her lips, “Careful, now. The line between confidence and arrogance is paper thin. One is something you need, the other will get you killed.”

“Don’t worry Nat!” Darcy chirped, fists on her hips and eyebrows waggling. “I’ll prove myself to you, yet!”

Natasha recoiled. 

__ _ “Prove yourself worthy.” The faceless woman gestured to the gun. To the child.  _

__ _ “What is your worth? What is your name?”  _

“You don’t have to prove yourself to  _ anybody.  _ As long as you know your worth, you’re in complete control. The only person whose opinion matters is your own, remember that.”

Darcy feels a smile light up her face, her intensity softening for just a moment. “You’re really amazing, you know that?”

Natasha Romanoff does not blush; such a reaction has been beaten out of her. She does not know the shape of embarrassment, of being successfully flattered.

Natasha Romanoff does not blush, but Darcy Lewis is an unpredictable unit, and it is a near thing.

“Five laps. Go.”

~~~

Natasha is… Reluctantly impressed. Darcy’s stamina definitely needs to be worked on, and Natasha had overestimated how much the woman would be able to do, seeing as they barely made it past the warmups before Darcy collapsed. Yet, Natasha was impressed nonetheless. Darcy had been right when she said she was clever. Stark’s facilities were top-notch, and as such were equipped with dummies and false enemies that moved somewhat like a real opponent. Darcy would take one dummy down, turn around, and use a piece of scrap she swiped from the dummy to take down the next. Anything remotely sharp became a projectile that would hit startlingly close to its mark.

Darcy  _ was _ pretty handy with that taser.

Natasha clasped Darcy’s sweaty hand in her own, and pulled her up. “Good job. I have some idea of where your limits are, so the real training starts when I get back.”

Darcy grins, all teeth. “Told you I was clever.” She sashays away and Natasha snorts to herself. She catches her reflection and sees that she’s grinning.

Natasha found herself going over fighting styles that utilized small knives, even as she prepared for her next mission.

 

_ “You’re a monster,”  _ a horrified voice shouts in her head, but it’s quickly drowned out by Darcy Lewis, vulnerable and sweaty and soft and clever, sighing,  _ “You’re amazing.” _

 


	3. The Deepest Depths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, just letting y'all know: I have chronic pain issues and that prevents me from updating regularly. HOWEVER. I truly adore this pairing so I will try my best to keep writing!  
> Watching the formatting change from how lovely it looks in Google Docs to how it looks here is like: Vibes Are Rancid.  
> I don't believe there are any trigger warnings this chapter, but if you discover something you need tagged and/or prefaced please let me know!

Hiding comes naturally to Natasha.

“ _ Nat _ urally,” the Clint Barton in her head cackles.

She wonders what he would think of this: her, the fearsome Black Widow, cowering in the shadows because of the long gone bogeymen night terrors bring and, even more fearsome, the admiration of a pretty woman.

Natasha paused. Pretty? She supposed it was true. Factual. But it didn’t carry the connotation of logic; Natasha’s job was to read between the lines, and she wasn’t sure how to feel about what she was reading.

All the more reason to hide. That’s why she was here, in an odd cubby placed so that she could see the entire room without necessarily being seen. She supposed she should thank Stark for that. She’d bring some coffee and something with blueberries down to the lab and let him squirm as he tried to discern  _ why _ she had done that. For a man who was very affectionate, he was astoundingly paranoid.

“Lady Natasha? Your Heimdall has informed me that your whereabouts are somewhere in this room…”

“I am not Heimdall, Mr. Thor.”

“And I am no  _ Mister _ among friends, Keeper JARVIS.”

There was a crackling sound on the speakers-- JARVIS’s version of a sigh. “Very well,  _ Prince  _ Thor.”

The blonde god laughed. “You play dirty, Keeper JARVIS! It is no wonder that Stark-son is always on his toes! Now!” He clapped thunderously, just like his title would imply. “Little Spider, if you would do me the honor of--”

Natasha was on him in seconds, a knife pulled to his throat. Glowering.

He smiled, dumbly, knowing she wouldn’t actually seriously hurt him, and said, “On Asgard, the smallest spiders are the most dangerous. Far more venomous than any other.”

She froze. Furrowed her brows minutely. Slowly retracted the dagger with a small smirk pulling at her lips. He was good. “Fine. But you’re on thin ice,  _ prince _ .”

He laughed again. She smiled. She found she liked making the Avengers, her  _ family _ , laugh.

“Now!” He clapped his hands on her shoulders. Were he anyone else, he’d be missing fingers. He was lucky she thought the way he acted dumb around Earth authorities was cute. “What ails you, Lady Natasha?”

“Right now? You.”

He staggered back with a hand on his chest, eyes hooded with sorrow and a glimmer promising that tears were on their way. “You wound me most grievously with your callous words, Lady Natasha. Are we not friends? Have we not bonded over the mutual destruction of our enemies? Was our brotherhood not baptized in the blood of--”

“Thor, I can tell when you’re trying to distract me-- you act  _ way _ too much like that lunatic brother of yours when you’re stalling.”

He tried to look offended, “Me? How could you accuse me of such treachery!” He crumbled at her blank look. “Fine. Maybe I am stalling. But only a little. I am genuinely concerned for your wellbeing!”

She felt the muscles around her shoulders and jaw automatically relax at that. Huh. She hadn’t even been aware that they were tensed in the first place. “I’m fine Thor. Just... confused.”

“Confused? Over what, might I ask?”

“Feelings, Thor. You know I’m no good with them.”

He shot her a conspiratorial grin, “I think we both know that’s not necessarily true. To whom do we all go to sort out our own spiralling thoughts? Who is the holder of our secrets and hearts? It is not I, Lady Natasha, but  _ you _ .” He gently pointed a finger and pushed it into her chest, over her own heart.  _ I should take his fingers off for that _ , she thought, but it was purely reflexive. She felt overwhelmed, warmth spreading from where he touched and a pressure building behind her eyes. “I believe it is that ridiculous doubt you carry, the doubt that whispers that you are not true, that you are but a puppet to be pulled and manipulated.” All of his softness seemed to harden into something playful, a smirk tugging at his lips. Were he not so  _ dignified _ his brows would be waggling. “Besides, was it not  _ you _ who told me that paltry fears are to be confronted? I believe that the source of your ailment should be arriving--”

“Hey, Jarvi! You said they’re in this room, right?”

“Now.”

Natasha grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him down, snarling. “Thor, I am going to  _ murder _ you--”

“Nat?”

She let him go, whirled around, plastered a smile onto her face, and casually said, “Hey, Lewis.”

Good. Last name. Still semi-formal. Professional.  _ Distance-- that she wanted to close and grab and hold and-- _

__ Darcy’s brows were furrowed, lips pursed, posture screaming concern from the curve of her shoulders to the set of her legs to the nervous interplay of her fingers. Her brown eyes became clearer as she walked up to Natasha, confident and unafraid, and gently rested the tips of her fingers against Natasha’s cheeks. “Hey,” her voice was soft, barely a breath. “You okay? I haven’t seen you around for a few days and I know that you’re busy but you just finished your last mission and weren’t scheduled for another one for another  _ week _ and I managed to hack into the medical department to check that you weren’t hurt because no one was telling me anything and I know that that’s weird and invasive but I was  _ so worried _ and you promised to train me and--”

“You hacked into my medical records?”

Darcy made to pull her hands to her chest, but Natasha snatched them into her own, twining their fingers.

“Uh. Yes?”

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “You hacked into  _ SHIELD _ ?”

“Yeah? It was pretty easy.”

Natasha laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And kept laughing until she was crying a bit.

“We should probably tell the Director that his systems are compromised.”

“ _ Or, _ ” Darcy’s smile was toothy and her eyes were blown wide. “Or we could mess with them by leaving random junk and memes and stuff in the parts where the code’s all weak.”

Hiding comes naturally to Natasha. She is not impulsive by nature.  _ But _ .

She looks down at their hands, beginning their trek to Darcy’s room.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

__ _ But some things are worth reaching for _ , she thinks as she squeezes Darcy’s hand and Darcy squeezes back. Natasha does not hide the smile that alights itself on her face.

She ignores Thor’s smug laughter behind her. After all, she has a very pretty woman she needs to pay attention to.

 


End file.
